Ok, since everyone is saying i'm emo, maybe cause of my blog entry. I shall do something crazy, and bring laughter and shock to you all. I have nvr done this, only to some of them who seen it before.

Presenting to you, the old charyl:

and the new charyl...

Is there alot of difference? People change as time passes, change in appearance, in inner beauty. I've change have I? From the past few years, I have changed in my appearance. But inside me, I believe i have not change much. I have very little confidence in myself.

I was teased everyday (its like duuhhh...from the picture of course nice to bully right). I have names; airpork, fishball, buffalo (still have others, but most remembered is these 3). Growing pretty and thin was my every year goal, and every year it was never reach.

To sec sch, continued being bullied. Getting rejected by guys i had admire and crush on time and time again (LOL! with tt look, who wont reject). HAHS! It was so bad tt, i ever thght whether I was a girl or boy (from the before photo, dont look like girl right. HAHS).

Started changing, no longer put on min 3kg, max 5kg per year. (alot right? : D). I started maintaing my weight, got to know about make-up stuffs. started wearing contacts too.

From the teasing from everyone, I became a very quiet girl, don't dare to talk, voice my opinion, keep thinking everyone hates me cause I'm fat. Those closed ones realise i entered Hospitality and Tourism course, got the shock out of their life. Charyl in htm, its the end for her.

But I was confident I could do it, i've change, i'm no longer that fat ugly charyl, ppl will like me and i can be outgoing and bubbly.

So I entered TP, to 1h01 class. When I 1st came in, I was bubbly, crazy, talk alot, everyone was like woah! charyl will be the entertainer of the class. I had alot of confidence for myself. I could feel the wind when I walk. LOL! Then I joined Blazers. I 1st thght tt i would get kick out like aft 2 trainings cause I was too fat. But I wasn't, so I worked hard to lose weight (seniors teasing was an encouragment!) When I 1st came into blazers until now, I lose a totally of 5kg. I felt great and satisfied. (to blazers: though you all disturb me, call me godzilla, sao rou, etc, its diff from the teasing when I was young. You all tease to motivate me right! so don't stop. LOL! i'm crazy i know : D) I don't feel sad when being tease, but actully happy. hahs!

I really felt the inner confidence for myself for the 1st time. I never think so much during this period of time. But some things happened, I asked myself have I really become confident. I was no longer the entertainer of 1h01, i wanted to bring joy and laughter to our class. I grew further away from my class, and now tt i wanted to draw near, I feel no confidence in doing it. I'm afraid I will not be welcome back, I afraid they won't treat me like before. But things were explained within my class, and I have the confidence now that they welcome me back right! 1h01 will always be there for me!

My class thing is one thing, The 'thing' is the main reason tt drain off all my confidence. During the past few weeks, i was back to the period of my sec life. The feeling of not being loved, tt no one care (althgh there were lots of ppl caring for me, i felt not cared because the one i want is not), the feeling of being ignored, being left alone, tt no one take notice of me. I have no confidence for myself, 0 confidence level, so i started thinking alot. ALOT ALOT ALOT! I felt like i became a ant, running arnd, trying to wave hard so that people will notice I'm here. But all i got was just step on.

If i have known why you did all this, i don't think it will be tt bad for me in the past few weeks. Is because I have no idea, and so i started blaming myself, thinking that everything was because of me (maybe it is, i dont know) then i tried to make things right. but no avail, so i blamed myself more and started thinking alot. Making my life so miserable. If i have the confidence like I 1st came in the team, the bubbly, dont care or think so much me, i think i have gotten over it a long long time ago. But now that I have gotten over it, help me regain back my confidence. I will talk to you and you better reply me (hahs, jkjk. just be like last last time, when I 1st know the team. joke here and disturb there. I don't want to lose a friend. )

Going to church made me realise all this. Made me realise I really can rely on God. When I went thru everything, i kept thinking; why bother to pray, God won't help me. I gotten myself into all this trouble and yet now I want God to help me out of all this. But I was all wrong. God is really there whenever I need him, just a simple prayer and he will be there to comfort me. I've no longer live in the past, hoping to return the same. I have move on with my life, awaiting for a new guy to make my life blissful and getting prettier (hope so, hahs). LOL!